eclaring diabetes mellitus non-existent, managed care companies
nation-wide have managed to wipe out diabetes throughout the United States,
it was announced today.
It was explained that any patient insisting that they have diabetes
will be re-diagnosed as having paranoia, and hence will be
ineligible for medical care, as mental health benefits are essentially nonexistent in most managed care plans.
The insurance industry also announced that their pre-existing policy of
refusing to
reimburse for syringes or blood glucose test strips,
and discouraging
patients' Primary Care Physicians from referring to endocrinologists, has been "totally vindicated."
An estimated three hundred endocrinologists were seen lining up to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco; there were unheard-of
upsurges in bookings for flights to San Francisco noted by airlines nationally. The San Francisco Tourism Agency announced that
it encourages all endocrinologists to
spend their final vacation in their city,
before taking the plunge.
According to an anonymous spokesman for a major managed care company, it is expected that curing diabetes, and terminating contracts with deceased
endocrinologists, will allow approximately 57 more insurance company executives to claim 6-figure bonuses at the end of the current Fiscal Year, while only resulting in an additional 15 minutes loss of sleep per night for the average Primary Care Physician, and
only an estimated 2,000,000 covered lives to become uncovered deaths.
— WWQ Copyright © 1997
You may feel free to forward or reproduce this satire.
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