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An unnamed manufacturer of blood glucose meters is about to announce the development of a major breakthrough in medical care: a new meter that can measure blood caffeine levels.

This innovative device is due for release on April 1st.


The "CoffeeMeter" will utilize existing blood glucose reagent strips (from most current manufacturers). Through a new method of optical processing, it will be able to measure caffeine consumption, which will be displayed on the meter in "CCE" (Coffee Cup Equivalent) units.

The "CoffeeMeter" has been tested in several clinical settings, including diabetes clinics, inpatient alcohol treatment units, and wellness programs. It has had great success (P<0.05%) in predicting the likelihood of coffee withdrawal symptoms as caffeine levels decline.

The "CoffeeMeter" can also accurately discriminate whether the user had consumed caffeinated or "decaf" coffee.

More details on this very important new product should be forthcoming in the near future.

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